i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
