I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
