Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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