Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
