Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
