im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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