ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
