I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
