He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
