You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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