I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
