Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
