He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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