being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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