I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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