just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
