Pants 0. Shit 1.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
