where am i from again
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
