3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
