she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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