Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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