OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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