He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
