Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
