): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
