so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
