I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
