you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
