Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
