Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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