I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
