I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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