Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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