I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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