as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
