Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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