and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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