As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
