bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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