I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
