I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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