I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
