I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
