i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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