She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
