Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
