Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
