I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
