do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
