New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Semen is not good for contacts.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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