This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
