My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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