Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
