i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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