Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
