Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
