Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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