I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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