If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
