What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
